skinnychris

The B standing for my butt!! 

Guess what is NOT getting in a rush to heal?  Yup, you guessed it.  My ass!!  I am all sorts of a nasty blackish/blueish color back there and its starting to run downhill!  Most of the swelling is gone but I do have a fierce knot in the left side of the uhm…well crack!!!

But I said I would not let it get me down and I havent.  Been going to the gym and working the upper body.  Now its laugh time, I do take my butt pillow.  I walked in loud and proud Tuesday and held it up to the trainer and said “I am working out with a buddy today!”.  She just looked at me and asked me what I did.  Thank goodness everyone there has been super great about it all and we have shared quite a few laughs.  And let me give you a word of advice.  If you ever bust your tailbone, get one of those flight/neck pillows. Not really sure what you call them but they kinda look like a horseshoe.  When flying you put it around your neck with the open part being in the front under your chin?  Know what I am talking about?  Well, when you bust your ass and crack places in your crack that shouldnt be cracked (just say no to crack), just turn it around and place the open area under your ass and volia’!  You have an ass pillow!  No pain, no pressure!  Just me…and my ass pillllllllooooooowww!!! 

Yes, I am pretty goofy tonight because I have to make fun or I cry.  I am not sleeping because it hurts like hell to roll over.  Plus I am a back sleeper and cannot stand even a sheet to touch my backside.  Maybe that is whats wrong, sleep deprived.  

Anyhoo, not much to report diet wise.  I have been a very good girl but gonna have fun this weekend.  And I really hope everyone does.  When I started on this diet Jan of 2008 I lost weight every week until July 4th weekend.  It was my first gain and I gained 1.8 pounds.  And I was proud of myself that I went that long without gaining and even then it wasnt that much.  So I’m not gonna beat myself up over this weekend either.  Wow, its really been a year already since then?

Becky, I had new photos of Dozer to show you but my so called smartphone isnt being so smart tonight.  I was emailing them to myself and it shut down.  So I will try again but I will probably have to pull out my cables and sync them to my laptop.  But I am tired and dont wanna mess with it tonight.  He is still great, HUGE but great.  And we are gonna try to convince him to go ahead and let us have him, free and clear.  He is here full time and I want to get him trained and under a vets care.  Tom is gonna try to catch him again this weekend, he is never at home even so how can he take care of him?!?  In the meantime though he is under the coffee table chewing on a rawhide as I type.  We are training him to ride in a car and he is loving it!  You should see his big ear flopping in the wind!

Ok, I gotta stop typing.  I need to go soak my rear and try to sleep.  Everyone have a great weekend but be safe!!!  HAPPY 4TH!!!

So I hurt myself…again.  No its not my knee, this time its my tailbone!  I was sitting in a chair Saturday night that had a broken leg on it.  It was an office/desk type chair with one center post and 5 caster legs on it. Well I went to shift to the right and the thing went with me.  But I bounced and came down on the hard, plastic arm.  Right up my ass crack!

After I threw up…and about 20 minutes later I was able to finally get up off the floor.  But the pain, I cannot describe.  If it wasnt for my sky high insurance deductible I would have gone to the ER right then.  But I didnt and was up all night hurting.  Yesterday was somewhat better but today has been bad.  I am pretty sure my tailbone isnt broken but I am very swollen and badly bruised back there.  I cant sit long, cant stand long and walking sends a shooting pain right my crack.  So I wont be hitting the gym for a few days. 

But besides that I think I am doing good!  I finally beat the afternoon munchies, I took Holly’s advice and started coming in from work and getting busy.  I plan on cleaning a room every afternoon during the week whether it needs it or not.  If its not too hot I can always go out and clean the pool or work in the garden.   Anything to keep me away from the kitchen!  Unless its the day to clean it! LOL!  And another thing I am starting today, no matter what time Tom gets in from work I am starting supper at 5:30 every day.  I just cant wait any later and let myself get crazy out of control hungry anymore.  He says he is ok with that and if he must he will start eating a can of soup or tv dinner if need be.   He doesnt always have to work as late as he has been but this is their busy season.  But what I do plan on trying to do is making something that I can either keep warm or warm up easily for him when he does get home. 

This weekend is gonna be a booger on me diet wise.  We have parties every night starting Thursday.  Right now I only plan on splurging Saturday.  That will be my bonus for staying on track the other times.  But Sunday, July 5th it is ON!!  I have enjoyed my time away from my diet and had alot of fun with my lifestyle change but I really need to start working on this last bit of weight.  It never fails, once the 4th passes I blink and its the holidays.  And I do not want to go into them above goal.  I know there are gonna be parties and good times between now and the fall but right now getting this weight off is about to become top priority.

Ok, I gotta get.  Time to go soak in the tub and try to get rid of this sore ass!  I need to be in the gym, not sitting on a donut cushion!  Laugh away, I know I have been laughing at myself this entire time!  And you can only imagine the jokes I have heard!!

Take care buddies!!!

Hey, its your long lost summertime loving buddy!!  We had a wonderful weekend, all sort of bad stuff going on!  Eating, drinking, staying up late and talking about each other…to each others faces! Mwhahahahah!  Nah, it was all in good fun and the only thing I didnt do alot of was sleep!  By the time I got home I was worn out!

The float itself went waaay to quick.  The water was up and rolling and we had to keep stopping on gravel bars so that we didnt end up at the pick up too soon.  So we did alot of playing in the water and it was COLD!  58 degrees!  And when its 100 out that 58 feels even colder on your skin.  All in all it was a great time but I sure wish I could do it again but slow it all down.

Now…what do I need help with?  My afternoon binging.  It has gotten completely out of control.  It has always been a issue with me but now I feel myself slipping into a place I dont want to be.  I get off work at 3:30 normally.  That gets me home 4-4:15.  And Tom doesnt get in most nights until 6.  So that gives me two hours to graze the kitchen until we eat supper.  I had gotten a pretty good handlel on it but not anymore. I hit the door ready to pig out.  And I start off good.  Maybe a high protein granola bar.  But then I move on to something else, and then another and the next thing you know I have used up all my supper points and then some.  And normally I feel sick afterward.

One thing I am gonna try to start doing is eat something right before I leave work.  Maybe that will feel the void in my belly.  Because I am truly hungry.  I’m not sure if the exercise before lunch is causing me to burn up my lunch quicker but normally by the time I get off my belly is growling.  Which is only around 2 and half hours as I eat at 1-1:30.  But I know if I dont get this stopped I am gonna start gaining.  There is no way I can continue to binge and not.

And thats another thing. Even though *I know* that eating like that is gonna make me gain, it doesnt stop me.  So what is wrong with my brain?!?!?

But besides that I do great during the rest of the day.  I’m fine in the mornings, during the day and even late at night.  But those damn afternoons!  I’ve even thought about going to the gym after work instead of at lunch but technically the gym doesnt open until 4 in the afternoons.  I can get in but I dont feel comfortable doing that, if something came up missing or torn up, fingers would point at me.

So any advice you guys have would be more than greatly appreciated.  I am at my wits end, I know I am the only one who can stop it but I seem to be forgetting how!

Can ya tell I am excited??  Just a little bit maybe?  Its almost time to pack up and go north young women!  I cannot WAIT to be on that lazy river, floating the day away.  Of course all the activites are gonna be great but still, I am a river rat, a pond freak, a swimming pool diva…give me a body of water and I am over the top happy!  So watch out baby…here I come!!

Plus I am going alot skinner than I did two years ago!  I am gonna get out there and flaunt it baby!  Ok, as well as I can in a pair of swim shorts and a halter top!  LOL!  River floating is not exactly bikini friendly…not that I will probably ever wear one of those again!  But still, I wont be worrying about my bat wings flapping or my big ass not fitting in the canoe seat!  And I’ll have less area to sunblock!  >:-}

But one downer to all this, I have hurt my knee again.  I dont know what is going on.  I am super careful on the machines at Curves that could potentially hurt it but yet this afternoon I found myself limping.  My right one is the bad one but I even found the left one bothering me a little bit tonight, probably from it taking the brunt of the right one hurting and me giving to it.  I can not even squat without pain and it has alot of heat coming out of it tonight so that means I have inflammation down in the joint.  Time for some cold/hot therapy and hope like hell its better before the float.  I will be skipping anything at the gym tomorrow that involves using my knees.

Becky, before I forget…Dozer is doing great!  He is pretty much an inside dog now while we are home.  Not an accident one either.  He will wake us up and let us know he needs to go out.  And he still likes to be out during the day but when the sun goes down he is on the porch begging to be let in.  Right now he is laying on his side, looking like he is asleep but he actually has a rawhide in his mouth and he is chewing on it.  He snores like a bear and I normally have to get up and rearrange his head.  And man has he grown over the past month!  Between the good food and the vitamins I guess his system has kicked back in and started bulking him up. And he was a HUGE hit at the party the other night.  Everyone love him and he got no sleep either.  As Tom and I slept Sunday away, Doze was right on the floor in front of me snoring his head off!  I have a picture I promise I will post here soon.

Karin, good to see you back!  I have wondered how your trip went!  I did read you blog today but didnt get to comment.  But I agree with the learning to live part more than constantly worrying about the diet.  I came to the same realization while you were gone.  

Ok, I gotta get.  30 minutes with an ice pack and then off to a hot bath before I crawl into bed and start tomorrow.  Only 4 hours at work tomorrow, a quick workout and we are outta here!  Everyone have a great weekend and I’ll see ya next week when we get back!  {{{Hugs}}}

Hey buddies, guess who!?!  Sorry I havent been around much but this is normally how my summers go, fast and crazy!  But I have a few minutes so I thought I would check in.

We had a crazy, fun filled weekend around here.  Saturday my neighbors had their annual summer kick off party which always ends up over in our backyard, around the pool.  But this year it went until 4 am!!!  But we had a blast!  I have been working on cleaning up for the past two days! LOL!  Ok, more today than yesterday.  Yesterday was more of a day of recovery!  I can really feel my age after a good night of partying!

And now I am working like crazy to get everything together for this upcoming weekend, our float trip!  I am so excited to be able to get away for awhile.  First time really in two years. So I am gonna get all my stressing over with because Thursday at noon I am on full vacation mode! 

Curves is going really good still.  I did miss Friday due to the severe storms that moved thru our area.  There was no way in the world I was leaving the safety of my office while there was tornadoes and 80 mph winds blowing around outside!  And I wont make it today because I am working from home.  I could run down the one right below my house but I dont have a travel pass.  I asked for one last week and never got it.  I’m not sure they would let me in without it.  But after cleaning house and the pool area today I am feeling energized and I would like to go burn some off.  And I need to burn some beer, burgers, cheesedip, etc off to from that party Saturday night! 

And this weekend will be another round of bad eating and beer drinking but once it passes I wont have anything planned until the 4th of July.  So thats my next plan of attack, Curves every business day and no pigging until then.  Surely I can undo anything I have done by then.  I’m still staying away from the scales but I dont think I have done too bad because my clothes are still fitting fine.  Too tight pants means I have over done it and it so far they are ok.

And speaking of summer it has arrived here in full force.  We had horrible nasty storms every day since last Thursday but now they are drying up and we are headed to the 100’s.  Thats good news for the pumpkins since alot of the garden is flooded.  I do have a few hills that didnt bud out so I bet the seed got too wet.  I’ll replant those this week.

So anyway, thats about it for whats going on in my world. Hope everyone is doing good!! 

Hey buddies!  Another quickie before I head out to the garden.  While jacking around with the pool yesterday afternoon I left the soaker hose on too long and flooded my garden!  So now I’ve got to get out there and repair my damaged pumpkin hills.  All that hard work and I go and screw it up!  Plus I gotta get the pool ready for the storms blowing in later tonight.  Geez, what a mess its gonna be tomorrow.  Bleech!  But atleast I did get to swim last night and it felt sooooo good.  I’ll have to remind myself of that when I have to get out there and clean it up again.  Damn storms!

As my title says, I am feeling really good right now and feeling strong not only physically but mentally too.  Its been a week since I started this new strategy of maintaining and exercising and not so much on the losing.  And its going SOOO good.  I am not starving but I dont feel the need to binge either.  Like yesterday, I wasnt hungry.  So I didnt force myself to eat my points just because I am suppose too.  But today I am starved so I have eaten all of them and probably a few more.  But thats cool!  I think the hunger today came from all the additional exercise I have gotten over the past 3 days working outside.  Its nice to listen to what my body is saying instead of what someone else is saying.  My body knows what it needs and it will let me know.

I think I am also all pumped up because our float trip is next weekend!  Seems like it has gotten here so fast!  I pulled out the suitcase and my bag tonight to start throwing stuff in as I think about it.  As with everything else in my life I am completely OCD with packing and making sure I have everything I need.  I hate being unprepared! LOL!!  I will be the one on the float with a bag of emergency needs, I always am and it always turns out someone needs something.  Ibu’s, Q-Tips, band-aids and neosporin, heartburn relief, I take it all! 

Tomorrow will be my first missed WW’s meeting.  I have debated all week long about going but I finally decided today on the way home that I am not going.  I know I am only going because of my leader.  And I need to be going only for me.  So I wont be there.  I need to email her but I dont know what to say. 

And I have been thinking (why do I do that?!?!?).  I found out last weekend that my 20 year class reunion is coming up the weekend of Sept 1th.  So after the 4th of July I’m probably gonna get serious and see about losing the last 10 pounds.  By then the worst of summer should be over and maybe I will be refocused by then.  If I am, good for me.  If not, then I will keep at what I am doing now.  I refuse to let those last 10 pounds define me or rule me.  So I wont be putting that pressure on me or talking about it much.  But its something I am keeping in the back of my mind.

Ok..gotta scram.  And since its suppose to be nasty out for the next few days I am hoping tomorrow I can sit down and see how everyone is doing!!  I miss you guys and wonder what all is going on.  Hope everyone is being good to themselves!!  Later!

Actually the only thing blue about it is that there are not enough hours in the day to get the stuff done that I want and need to get done.  One of them being on here and being a good buddy to my buddies that are always so good to me.  I promise things will slow down (I hope) and I can return to some sort of normal.  Thank you for all the booster notes while I’ve been away.

First, opening the pool is always a huge thing for the first week or so.  Every afternoon I have to come in and work on it, check the water and chemical levels and keep the algae from starting.  And of course there are always kinks.  We had a leak, now a major part of the pump is going out and while we have one to replace it, its gonna be a huge thing to do.  Plus now rain chances are going up (for the next 8 days!!) which means it will be green before its all said and done and there isnt much I can do about it.  And it will cool back down so no swimming.  I wonder why I even bother.

But on a good note, I have 18 pumpkin plants up and growing like crazy!  Thats 6 hills, 3 plants per hill.  I cant believe they all came up, normally that doesnt happen.  Guess the soil is very fertile this year.  And I put in 18 more hills yesterday.  That will be it until the end of July when I put in the mini’s…around another 15 hills then.  But if the rain keeps on it wont be a good crop again this year.  They need hot, dry nights to produce healthy fruit.

Dietwise, I guess its ok.  Could be better, could be worse. Clothes still fit the same so I guess thats good!  Been hitting Curves everyday except for the weekends and trust me, I have enough around here to keep me busy moving.  Summertime in the south is great but its exhausting!

So thats gonna be it for today.  I’ve got to go turn the pool off and take count of the Casper pumpkin hills.  Just now as I was typing about them I checked my list and only show I planted 4 hills but I really thought it was more than that.  Gotta keep up with it now or when they start running I will have no clue what to expect!

I hope everyone is doing good and enjoying their June.  See you guys soon!

I want to say THANK YOU to all my buddies that commented yesterday.  Ladies I really felt the love and support you were sending.  Its SOOO nice knowing that while I thought I had made the right decision, that you guys have my back too.  Thats why I love this place so much!  And trust me, I missed you guys too.  Glad I got my head back on straight!

So I joined Curves today!!  And I did it without a contract or auto draft.  As I was weighing my decision last week I called the owner and talked to her.  She really didnt want to agree to taking a check each month but I told her that was the only way I was gonna join and to be honest I think she really needs the business no matter how she gets it.  So its a done deal. 

I worked out today and let me tell ya, I feel 110% better.  Not only physically but mentally too.  I was missing it alot more than I thought.  Once I got back to my office I got that post workout rush and I didnt think I was gonna be able to sit at my desk for the rest of the day.  I wanted to get up and MOVE! 

It was hard getting back into the routine.  First, from not working out for almost 2 weeks and second, I opened and cleaned my pool Sunday and I was soooo sore from that.  It took over 4 hours to get my pool cleaned and ready!  Oh my, I only thought working out was working all my muscles.  Not even close!  Monday and Tuesday I could barely walk up the stairs at work and even breathing hurt!  So today I had to take it nice and slow.  But I’ll be rocking it again soon!

Also after my workout, I felt stronger.  Mentally stronger that I can do this.  I’m not gonna talk pounds and scales…no more of that.  But I can do this lifestyle.  I just need the right tools to keep me on track.  But at the same time, I feel a huge relief.  If I go out this weekend and drink a few beers with my buddies I wont stress over it.  If my grandmother wants to eat Chinese…well, I’ll try to talk her out of it! LOL!!! 

But I dread telling my leader I wont be back after tomorrow.  Ugh, I hate doing that to her.  I probably wont mention it tomorrow.  I’ll wait and email her next week.  She has become a pretty good friend to me and I dont want her to think I am quitting because of her and trust me, she will think that. 

We are having Subway for supper tonight and then gotta run to Wally World if the storms dont blow back up.  We are starting to get everything together for our float trip and I’m not a wait until the last minute kinda person even though its two weeks away.  I bought myself a new swim top but its white.  No, I didnt want white but it was the only color in my size.  So I am hoping this other Wally we go to tonight will have a better selection and I can exchange the one I have.  Plus I need a new pair of swim shorts!  Years ago when I bought the ones I have they were too small.  But I promised myself I would get in them.  Well it took 3 years but I did last summer!  But when I put them on Sunday they were too big!  I still wore them, BIG mistake!  I had slathered myself in sunscreen from head to toe.  But I didnt think about my shorts slipping down as I squatted.  And they did and exposed parts of my body that havent seen sun in YEARS!!  Guess I had a pretty good plumber’s crack going on…and trust me, its gonna peel!!

Happy, goofy, Chris is back!  Have a great evening buddies!!!

Hey buddies!  I have been MIA for a few days, taking a breather and some me time.  Not that time spent here isnt me time but I needed some ‘me not on a diet’ time.  I needed time to not think about dieting all the time like I was starting to do.

But enough of that.  I missed you all and glad to see most are doing well.  As for me, well my title says it all.  After alot of thinking and soul searching I have decided I am ending my friendship with the scales.  He is not doing right by me or me by him so its time to call it quits.  I am tired of his judgmental ways when I havent had a good week.  And he is tired of me having bad weeks.  So goodbye you wishy washy friend!!

So what does that mean?  That means I am going back to Curves tomorrow.  I am signing up and changing my plans from weight loss to healthy living.  I may or may not get those last 10 pounds off.  Maybe not right now, maybe never.  So I am gonna concentrate on inches, strengthing and toning.  I am no longer going to say I am dieting, I am gonna say I am living a healthy lifestyle. 

I have decided I have come too far to let this last 10 pounds beat me down.  So before it does I am gonna beat it.  It is playing with my mind and has me thinking I cant do it.  It has me wanting to binge even when I really dont want too.  I have stopped telling myself no and amazingly, I have stopped wanting.  Instead of coming home after work wanting to empty the fridge I am happy having a healthy snack and waiting on supper.  No more saying no.  If I want it, I’ll have it.  Everything in moderation of course.

So as it stands right now I will be saying goodbye to my WW’s meeting.  I really, really hate doing it.  You probably dont believe me but I do.  But its not working, its not helping.  So I’m taking that money and putting it toward Curves.  Not giving up the program, just the meetings.  I will probably be a point counter for life.  And if I feel myself slipping I will return.  But right now I need to stop letting those scales control my every thought.  And since thats all WW’s goes by I need a break from them too.

I will get my weight and measurements taken again at Curves I am sure.  Or they may go by the ones from 2 weeks ago.  Anyway, that will be the only time I weigh until they weigh and measure me again next month.  No more stressing over a bad weigh in every week. 

With all of this said I’m not gonna stop what I am doing.  I am gonna continue to be healthy and stay healthy.  And if I lose some while I am at it, more better for me!  I sure hope I do and if that 10 pounds seems to find its way off my body…then good-bye to it too!  But when we go on our float trip in two weeks I will not be stressing for days ahead of it like I did the week before Memorial Day weekend.  Its not worth it.  I am gonna go and enjoy myself.  And something tells me I will have more fun because of the lack of stress.

So there it is.  This is the time for me to start loving who I am, who I have become over the past year and a half.  Its nice knowing I will never go back to that.  My resolve is too strong to ever gain that weight back.   And its also nice knowing that if me and my body decide to stay at this weight, well we’ll be fine.  And who knows what I will see in a month down the road!  It will give me something to look forward to!!

I need to say thanks to Becky, Holly, Debra, Nancy, Bette Jo and Dee for the comments on my blog last night.  Everyone of you in your own way have given me alot to think about.  Becky, you are right.  I need to get back to Curves (or somewhere else…I’ll explain that in a minute) and get back to my exercise routine.  I miss it more than I thought, in a way it turned into a drug for me.  The high I was getting after a good workout was the best.  Debra made me think about my job.  I do have a certain few friends at work but they are few and far between.  I have never worked anywhere that has so many back-stabbing, two faced people as where I work now.  Thats why I dont socialize much.  One wrong word and even look and you are the gossip de’jure of the day.  I just cant get into that.  So thats why I just make sure I do what is expected of me and stay out of the rest.  Right now they are planning a shower for a girl who has never liked me (she was friends with a girl who used to work for me that I had to fire.  You can figure out the rest) and hasnt even uttered a word to me since Halloween.  But its expected of me to cook a dish and buy a gift just because we work together?!?!?  Uhm, no.

So here is where I am today.  I did attend my meeting and I was up 1.3 pounds.  Thats ok, I really thought it was gonna be alot worse.  I wanted to talk to my leader today about my feelings but we had a new member and I couldnt bump her and the attention she needed.  I felt great while I was there.  There are only 6-8 of us at this meeting and we are all a bunch of crazy, living for the weekend women.  So we had alot of laughs about our stories of the long weekend.  So I do feel like I *got* something out of it.  But it didnt keep me from coming home, buying some beer and eating leftover hot sausage cheesedip!  Yup, I caved and ate that shit.  And ya know what, I dont feel any better.  Well, it wasnt emotional eating so I knew it wouldnt help me any but it just didnt do anything for me.  I think I wanted it because the old me wanted it.  How stupid is that?

Now, the gym part.  Just south of me (but not in the city where I work or live) the hospital has opened a new wellness center.  For a family (in this case Tom and myself) the monthly membership is 55 bucks.  Very affordable and it would be for both of us.  But Tom cant make up his mind if he wants to join.  And to be honest, I love this man but I know this man!!  He might go at first but he never commits. Come on, we have been together for 5 years and I just got my ring 6 months ago! LOL!!!  He will come in one day, say he needs to lose 10 lbs.  Eats good, works out on my elliptical or goes for a bike ride and then goes to bed.  Its all forgotten about when he wakes up and if I mention it he says he is fine.  But I dont want to tell him no in case he really means it this time.  So until he really commits I think I’m just gonna buy one month of Curves and see what happens after that.  I know the owner is gonna do her best to get me to sign a contract but it wont happen. And if she gets cross with me I can always go to the Curves south of my town and workout there. 

I have one week to decide about WW’s.  I know after my bitchfest last night it sounds stupid now to say but I still really want to make their goal.  I really want to know I did it.  I dont want to quit, I am not a quitter.  So please, and I am being serious for anyone reading this.  Tell me how to find my gusto that I had last year at 246 pounds?  I had ALOT more weight to lose, had the same battles to fight, the same weekend temptations but yet I survived them.  I lost every week from Jan 10th to July 4th.  And I only gained 1.6 pounds that weekened because I did splurge big time.  Tell me how to wake up and say I am gonna do it and mean it?  Yes, looking the way I want to look now has alot to do with why I’m not so strict anymore.  I dont want to lose another clothing size.  But I know I could still take 10 more pounds off my belly and out of my ass and make my size now fit even better!!!!

So here is it.  I am down to crunch time.  How I do this week will be my deciding factor as to whether I keep attending meetings or not. If I dont, I will stick with the program but at my own pace and maybe stay where I am indefinitely.  I have a week to prove to myself I can either do it or I will have to accept the 170’s are where I will remain.

And the clock starts ticking…