skinnychris

Why do we have to wake up on the wrong side of the bed?  Why do our bodies say “Hey, self…lets just be in the shittiest mood ever and have a really nasty day today, mmmmmk?” 

That is what today has been all about.  I am on my pity pot all by myself and I’m not really sure why.  No hormones should be acting up right now but I’ve got it bad.  I have yet to find one positive thing to focus on today.  I have so much to be thankful for and all I can think about is all the bad stuff in my life. 

No, I take that back.  I know one cause for this.  For weeks my other half has been telling me we were going this weekend to get my Christmas present.  To let you guys in a on a little secret, I am a total Christmas freak.  I live, breathe (and yes) eat anything Christmas.  I plan for months in advance to make sure we have the perfect Christmas.  And I am also a big kid when it comes to Christmas.  He knows its a waste to try to surprise me because I will bug him to death until he either gives me my gift or tells me what it is.

So anyway, he brings it up last night and says something about ‘what he was going to get me’.  I look up and say uh oh, you said was.  So he starts telling me he just doesnt think we can afford what he wanted to get me this year.  And I am thinking what he wanted to get me (and what I have been wanting for a few years now) was a diamond ring.  Not a marriage proposal but something that proves to me that I do mean something to him.  That what we have is real and not just puppy love.  Yes, we have a wonderful life and a gorgeous house but I cant wear a house on my finger!

So here it is, a few days before what I was thinking was going to be the most spectacular weekend of my life and just like that, nothing.

And its not really the ring itself I am upset about…its the way he handled it.  He waits until a few days before to tell me this news.  So once again I am gonna get put on the back burner.  Its not like he doesnt know what I want, I just feel like he doesnt care.  So how can he just now figure out we cant afford it? 

I have busted my ass this year trying to lose this weight and I feel like why did I bother?    I didnt lose it for a ring, again I dont mean to sound like some greedy bitch but I think I deserve something special this year.  He is not an emotional or affectionate man by no means so I dont get alot of verbal support from him.  So something like that would finally convince me that he does truely love me (yes, I guess I have issues left over from two failed marriages).  But I guess its not gonna be this year either.

So I came in and ate some Almond Cresents cookies I’ve been eyeing at the dollar store for two weeks.  And tomorrow is weigh in.  I could honestly care less.