skinnychris

Weekends are always hard for me.   I keep a very structured work week and have no problems staying on track then, but weekends totally mess me up.  And to make matters worse, I took PTO Friday and tomorrow so its a really long weekend for me.  Even though I am busy doing my Christmas cleaning, the supply of food is just *right there*!!

I normally allow myself a cheat meal once during the week.  And last night was it.  We went to eat at the local pizza place but I had hot wings instead of pizza.  Bad choice, they were nasty and I couldnt eat them.  So in a way that is good because I didnt eat the grease but I did eat some cheese dip (I just never could get away from it yesterday!).  And I did drink quite a few Miller 64’s.  Again, not bad though because I didnt eat much supper.  But our buddy who we were hanging out with bought me a bottle (without my knowledge) of my favorite eggnog when he ran to the liquor store and I drank some of it.  I havent bought it because I know I cant say no when it comes to the stuff.  I am a complete eggnog fanatic!  And like a bigger dummy, I brought the stuff home instead of leaving it in the fridge in his shop!  What was I thinking?  To have that stuff in the house is torture!

I’m not in the mood to eat well today and so that means I havent.  I went to Wal-Mart earlier today with my mom and offered to buy us McDonalds.  I got a Happy Meal which is ok considering what I could have gotten (and point wise).  But like with most fast food it didnt stick with me and before long I found myself in the Fritos and French onion dip!  Geez, why do I do this to myself.  I didnt make a big dent in the container but I could have. 

Now its time for supper and I do plan on sticking to the program but that bottle of eggnog is calling me.  I know I’m not over points yet, I will be though even with a sensible dinner so my mind is saying ‘go ahead, drink the nog!  It only comes out once a year’.  But then my mind is reminding me ”do you want to see a possible gain Thursday”?  So here goes the internal mind fighting again.  I know this is stupid, sabotaging thinking but I get mad thinking about the holidays coming up and I cant even enjoy the goodies.  Its not like I want to get off the program, its just that I want to maintain where I am so that I can enjoy things and then take the last of this weight off after the first of the year.  Diet almost every meal but splurge a little more than normal.  I wish we could pick our own goals for WW’s instead of having to go by their rules.  I am happy with where I am but I’ve got to hit 169 before I can get into maintainence and becomes a lifer.  Which also means free meetings. 

I dont know what to do.  I thought coming here and venting might help and while it does help to get it all out in black and white it also makes me realize I have decisions to make.

I’m not turning my back on my lifestyle change or Weight Watchers.  By no means!  Lordy no, heck no, HELL NO!  I wont ever gain that weight back again.  But I’ve got to stop this struggling.  I am really letting it bother me and spending way too much time dwelling on it.

Sorry to go on and on…but its keeping me away from the eggnog!