skinnychris

Hi to my buddies that I have let down.  I am so sorry I havent been around here in almost a month, its not been a good start to the holiday season for me and I just havent felt like blogging much.

Thanksgiving was a complete and total pigfest just as I was afraid.  But I rebounded and got back on the wagon and was going strong.  Then I lost my grandfather.

He was 95.  But it was completely unexpected and really rocked my family.  My sister and family had to make a quick trip home for the funeral.  And with funerals, there was comfort food.  And yes, I did eat it.  Alot of it.  I have always been a stress eater and this was a bad case of stress.

I have been estranged from my biological father for over 20 years.  This was his father that died.  I have always remained close to my grandparents but dont care a toot about what I loving refer to as my sperm donor.  So lets throw having to see him, be nice to him and put on a front for all the rest of the family and friends and see what kinda stress that causes! 

After it was all over with and life was suppose to return back to normal, it didnt.  Stress at work after being off for a week, stress with my family leaving and getting the house back in order for them to come back home this Friday, stress of my grandmother wanting me with her 24/7 and refusing to understand that I cant.  And now the sperm donor wants to go shake up our Christmas plans just because he is a selfish ass who cares about no one other than himself.  Yup, on top of all this I have to pretend some sort of Christmas kindness and see him this again this year.

We have always had Christmas eve with my grandparents.  He never shows which is fine by all us of, except my grandmother.  So in his grief I guess he agreed to show up this year.  But he wants us to have Christmas on Christmas Day this year.  He is trying to play it up that the reason is because we never have Christmas on the actual day.  Ok, two things here.  First, he never has Christmas with us…ever.  So shut up about when we (as in NOT YOU) celebrate it.  And second, the only reason he wants to change it is because his wife’s family is getting together on Christmas Eve and he wants to go spend it with them.  Then by all means PLEASE DO!

But of course my grandmother sees us (my older sister and I) as being unwilling to make this happen and in turn we look like the bad guys.  But I said I will not spend Christmas day with him, I dont care how much my grandmother tries to guilt us into it and I meant it.  As far as I am concerned his lost his rights to Christmas day when he kicked my mom, my sister and myself out right before Christmas when I was 4 years old.

Stressed?  Just a little.  During my most favorite time of the year.  The tree is not decorated and the house barely is.  My spirit is nil to none and that alone upsets me.  I dont want these sort of Christmas memories to take with me years down the road. 

I am up 5.6 pounds and I really dont want to gain anymore.  I am trying my damnest but its hard gals.  I cant believe I am saying this but I am ready for this month to be over and let the new year begin.