skinnychris

let me get to the good news first.  Even after my bad week I still lost .8 of a pound!  I know thats not much to some but its great news to me!  I really expected to stay the same or even show a gain.  And I didnt exercise tonight (I’ll explain why in a minute) but I didnt splurge either.  I came in and made chicken fried rice, a first for me.  And I am proud to say it was a HUGE hit!  Tom loved it and barely gave me enough to eat! LOL!  I have a feeling I’ll be making it alot more now.  Which is fine because we need more chicken and its low in points.  Score for Chris!!

Now for the yucky part that kept me from working out today.  One word…WORK.  My job that I never actually clock out of.  In fact, I never clock out because I am salary but I digress.

I am networked from home, so technically I am always on call.  A part of the job I understand and accept.  When its MY work to do.  But it seems some…ok, I so want to call her the B word right now but I wont.  It seems a co-worker does not want to work Saturday morning.  She works in accounting and we have a recon file due.  My job does not have anything to do with hers, I have my part and she has hers.  But since she does not have access from home (her choice) and refuses to come into the office it looks like I am gonna have to be the big man and do it.  Do I have to do it?  No.  But I will because its not like something we can just put off.  I myself hold my department up to a higher standard and I will not let the firm fail just because of her.  So of course I involve the uppers and so far I’m not getting much response.  Which just pisses me off.  Because I ‘do’ my job..and so well that they dont ever have to mess with me.  I dont get scolded, but I never get rewarded either.  I just exist.  And for the most part I am ok with that.  But when I have to step up to the plate for another just because she wont do her job, well that just pisses me off.  And because of the the history I have with them, it will soon become something that is expected of me.  No rhyme, no reason.  Just expected.

So I am so fired up tonight I just want to scream!!!  I am sure there is gonna be hell at work tomorrow.  There have been phone calls and emails going on since 4:30 this afternoon and now its 7:42.  I think she needs to be reminded that her job can be filled by someone else.  And I think she needs to be held to the same standards I am held too.  I dont not want to do it and look spiteful (because I can do it, even though she couldnt do my job with instructions) but I dont want to do it and then get taken advantage of.  Its one of those lose-lose cases for me.

Tomorrow is gonna be a long, long day.  I have got to be at work super early to prepare for battle.  And God give me strength to hold my temper.

Carolina is gonna be ok!  Lots of nasty looking stiches but she is already back up and moving around, just a little slower than normal. 

And I am back on track today.  I think the damage is done though, the scales showed .8 of a pound extra this morning.  Oh well, cant change it now.  But speaking of change…I got my dollar for the jar today.  I woke up in a really bad mood but somehow managed to turn it around today and came in and walked for 45 minutes.  So between that and my staying on program instead of giving in to my bad mood has made me a happy camper.  I can take anything tomorrow at weigh in I do believe.  And I will not come in and have a free day like I normally do.  Its gonna be bad cold here tomorrow but I will get in some sort of exercise. 

Its so easy to sit here and tell you guys (and myself too) that I have got to stay focused.  Its another to actually accomplish it.  That seems to be my biggest problem and I’m not sure how to overcome it.  But then again, if we had the answer to that this website would not need to exist.

I think I am thinking too much.  Maybe a hot bath will clear out my noggin and help me get a good nights sleep.  Take care buddies!

Oh my buddies, what a difference a day can make.

Again, thank you all so much for all the support and love shown to me and my family.  You are truly the best.  But I failed you today.  >:…. (

 Again, nothing new to report on the grandmother/sperm donor report.  To save myself some stress my sister was on phone call duty today.  Well, all I did was sit and worry about her anyway.  Atleast her niece came down this afternoon to spend a few nights with her.  She doesnt know what is going on unless my grandmother has told her.  I will call and check in tomorrow.

But 30 minutes before I am due off work my mom calls to tell me my “little sister” Carolina has severely injured herself.  Now let me explain.  “Rudy” (my nickname for Carolina) is my dog sister. Yes, I am one of those kinda people.  She is a 7 year old blonde Shar Pei.  And she owns my heart.  I used to raise Shar Pei’s and to me they are the most precious of any pooch.  And this one alone stole my heart as I was going thru my divorce.  She listened without judgment, she cared when I thought no one else did.  And because of all that, we have a very special bond.

Ok, so stop calling me nuts. You guys have no idea.  LOL!!  She is so special to me.  Anyway the water company guys showed up today to install the new meter and did not not bury it like they were suppose too.  It is in Rudy’s foot path and she never saw it. She ran, upper legs hard into the sharp corners and sliced both legs open.  Screaming call from my mom, dad about to pass out, blood apparently everywhere and a mad dash to the vets office.  I am atleast 35 minutes north of home and another 25 south to the vets.  Called Tom to get over there as he works close by to help my dad.  So many stiches later (I honestly dont know how many) they all finally made it back home.  She weighs around 65 pounds but I carried her back in the house so she didnt have to walk the stairs up.  Poor baby, I just cried and cried and she never stopped wagging her tail.

She is gonna be ok, lots of healing and meds to keep out infection but she will be ok.  Nothing torn, ripped or broken.  But some very nasty looking legs. 

Needless to say the emotional eating hit hard and fast.  It was almost 7 by the time I got home and I was beyond starving and beyond reason.  I did eat a Lean Cuisine for supper to try to stop what I had started but it was too late.  A slice of frozen pizza and almost an entire bag of pecans had done their damage.

So no money in the jar for me tonight.  I just want to take a hot bath and go to bed.  I’ll try again tomorrow. 

Boy what a sound!  How I love to hear that old money clink.  That beautiful sound of cold hard cash!

Yes, that would be me this afternoon as I put my money in the jar!  I got a really nice walk this afternoon, it was 60 out when I got in from work so I bundled up and headed out for a 35 minute walk.  I could have keep going if the setting sun hadnt chased me home.

I need to thank all my buddies for the love and support shown for my grandmother and to me.  I would like to report things are better but they arent.  Sperm donor has still not contacted my grandmother.  But I am proud to say she is holding her own and not giving in.  She went to town today and got out of the house for awhile but was still upset when I talked to her this afternoon.  This whole thing makes my heart hurt.

But on a positive note, I got my exercise in yesterday too!  Tom and I spent the day working in the yard, sweeping up the leaves with the attachment on the tractor.  But I got bored and hopped off, grabbed a rake and went to work around the porch and in the flower beds.  I timed it and I spent an entire hour raking and piling up leaves.  Talk about a workout!  I was huffing and puffing! LOL!  Today I am so sore from the waist up, both of my hands are covered in blisters and I have 3 splinters. But I’m not complaining, it felt WONDERFUL!!!

I am already looking forward to this week’s weigh in.  I havent been on the scales at all so I dont really know how I am doing loss wise.  I might wait until Thursday morning so that I can be surprised.  Or maybe I need to find out now so I wont be disappointed!  But it doesnt matter, no looking back.  Only going forward.

I hope everyone had a great start to the week!  Now go make your jar some money!  >-:-}

I dont get how a day can start off so good only to go to hell so quickly. 

As I told you guys last month, my grandfather passed on Dec. 1st.  My grandmother is doing fairly well but considering they were married for 67 years its also a huge adjustment being alone now.  Her son, my biological father (whom I lovingly refer to as the sperm donor) is her only child.  He lives around 5 minutes south of her.  I have no relationship with him whatsoever and dont care to.  He kicked my mom, sister and myself out when I was 4.  He is not a part of my life but my grandparents always were. 

I went to check on my grandmother yesterday.  After visiting for some time she broke down and told me she and the sperm donor had gotten into a fight on Monday and that she hasnt heard from him since!  I almost fell off my chair!  She is 87 years old, sick with diabetes and heart disease and very totterly.  And he has not so much called to check on her in 5 days!!  You talk about pissed, I was!!!

I had called her Wednesday and checked in on her and she didnt tell me all this so that I wouldnt worry.  I live around 30 minutes away and while its not far, I dont go that way during the week due to work and such.  So she didnt want me coming out of my way mid-week since I was going over Saturday. But it upset me so much.  Guys, he is almost 64 years old.  And because she wont let him get his way; he wants her to move in with him…not gonna happen because his wife is a hateful, snarly bitch who is horrible to my grandmother and take her car away from her.  He is not doing this so he can take care of her, he wants to sell her house so that he can get the money.  He is not broke, but he wants more, more, more. 

You can not imagine the hurt and hate I feel right now toward him.  How in the hell can you do this to your own mother?  Thru his 3 marriages and 3 kids she has always stood by him, wrong or right because she said she had to, he was her child and she his mother.  But no more.  After 64 years she finally stood up to him and now this is how he is paying her back.  By shutting her out.  My God, she just lost her husband!!  He has no heart at all.  I do know there is a special place in hell for people like him and I have to remember that to get me thru this.  One day he is gonna be old and there will be no one for him as us girls dont want anything to do with him.  He does not deserve us.  And he sure does not deserve his mother.

I have talked to her today and she is still very up and down.  My big sister who does not live here called and talked to her for awhile but my grandmother did not tell her what happened.  Nor does my little sister know.  My grandmother asked me not to share it with them and I wont.  But this is hurting my heart.  I had to talk to someone…

So needless to say I didnt eat good (emotional eater here) and no exercise as I stayed with her most of the afternoon and night.  I wish screaming was a good exercise because I would weigh in at a buck ‘o five today!!!  >:-P

I am on track today but its not easy.  I’m gonna go clean my car in case I need to run her around this week after work.  Yes, she can still drive but I would feel safer her being with me while she is so upset.  Maybe that will help burn up some pent up anger and keep me from pigging out.

First I want to say thanks to Kelly for the well wishes, I am feeling much better today.  I guess the soak worked because I slept like a baby last night.

I weighed in today at WW’s and I had lost 2 pounds!!  *Happy dance*!!!  I am now 9.4 pounds away from goal!  I can SOOO do this!  I even had a newbie at the meeting today tell me I had such a postive attitude even though I knew I was coming back to start the year with the extra weight on me.  That really meant alot because it shows how much I have evolved this past year.  I have learned to accept this is my new lifestyle and that while I did gain weight during my grandfathers death and the holidays, I also know that this gain is not permanent and that it WILL NOT stop me from succeeding!

Talk about a moment of strength! 

But tonight was my off night so I have no exercise to report.  But tomorrow I am back at it and plan on adding alot mo’ money mo’ money mo’ money to my money jar over the next week!

That is how I am feeling right now.  For some reason while I was exercising tonight I got dizzy and sick to my stomach.  I am fine, no rapid heart rate or anything but a bad case of sick belly.  I am thinking I may have started in too soon after supper.  So I only got in half my routine.  And tomorrow is weigh in.  Oh well, I cant worry about that now.

So this is gonna be short and sweet as I am gonna go soak in the tub and see if I cant shake this.  But before I sign off I want to say THANK YOU to everyone who has responded to my blogs over the past few weeks.  I have been meaning to say this but I get on here and get side tracked reading everyone’s blogs.  But I to say you guys really do keep me going!

Have a great night!

First off, I want to say after a rocky start to my exercise tonight I did get it in!  I was going to do my 2 mile/30 minute WOTP dvd when I found our player not working.  No power at all with my dvd in it!!  We ended up with a pretty bad ice storm here and we lost power at 9 last night.  So I guess between all the flickering, the generator kicking on and then the power, the dvd player bit it.  Or maybe not.  I took it completely apart to get my dvd out and found to get it out I was gonna have to break it.  So I decided to plug it in one last time and the damn thing came on.  I put it all back together except for the top and ejected the dvd.  Then put the top back on, hooked it all back up and plugged it in…nothing.  No power again.  Ugh.

So I got out the bike and did 30 minutes on it.  I was almost in a spinning mode so I was sweating hard!  Which is good because the house is just now warming back up.  So add another dollar to my jar!!  Except when I went to get two bucks out of my bag I only found a 10 and a 20!! LOL!  So tonight I will have to add two IOU’s until I get some change.

Now, for my blog title.  I found this motto yesterday in my new issue of WW’s magazine and decided to make it my own this year. And not just for my weight loss goals.

There are other things I want to change in my life this year.  I’m not ready to talk about them yet but its time I let them go and find the person I used to be.  So everyday I will hope for the strength, believe I can do it and began to change. 

So now we enter the part of PMS where food makes me sick.  No appetite at all.  And thats ok except I still need to get my points in.  I made a nice supper but ended up dumping my plate out.  It literally made me sick to my stomach.  It amazing how badly a few hormones can mess a gal up.  48 hours ago I was eating like a pig in poke.  Now I dont want to even think about eating.  Heck, it was 10:30 this morning before I even realized I hadnt eaten my breakfast yet and I had been up since 6.  But this will pass soon enough so I’m not complaining.

In fact, maybe this will help my weigh in Thursday since I wasnt so good over the weekend.  But I feel better (meaning no more cramps and backache) so I came in today and did the 2 mile Brisk Walk-Walking Away the Pounds dvd.  I got 3 of these from a person off Freecycle before Christmas but didnt think too much of them.  I prefer to walk outside and have never been much of a exercise dvd kinda person.  The people are always too happy, never muss up their hair and never sweat while smiling at you thru the tv and saying ‘8 more, 7 more, come on…you CAN DO IT, 5 more’…blah blah blah. Makes me want to throw the tv thru the window!  But I really, really liked this dvd!  It wasnt so goofy and fake and I actually saw the people sweat!  Plus its not too bouncy and I can follow it since the moves arent too advanced either.  Walking I can do!

And since we are having an ice storm today I had to do something inside.  I know I will keep using these along with my equipment once TOM moves outta town for another 3 months.  Try them out if you get a chance.

Actually, I dont really have the blues but I am stir crazy!  It has been drizzling all day here and the temps are falling so no outside activities.  The house is clean, the laundry is done and I am bored.  Which is not a good combo with PMS cravings.  I am gonna be honest with you and myself, I have not been good this weekend.  I havent even gotten on the scales because I know I am so bloated just with the period anyway, why depress myself?

I will be ok though, tomorrow I am back to work and back to my normal routine again.  The past two months have been so crazy with the holidays and I cant plan as much as I like.  I am a creature of habit and any change really messes me up!

But again, tomorrow is back to normal and I should be able to get my head back on straight. From everyone I have talked to they seem to be struggling right now too.  I will be glad to get back into my WW’s meetings again and get the support from my friends there too.  I am just so glad to only be looking at 12 pounds this Jan than the 77 I was looking at last Jan!

To be honest I am gonna shoot for 20 I think.  I really would like to be on the low side of the 160’s so that gives me a little breathing room.  Once I get into the 160’s I never want to see the 170’s again.  And I can have this done by April if I set my mind to it. 

One thing I do plan on doing different this year is that I will give myself a little leeway when it comes to losing.  I’m not gonna lose 2-3 pounds a week like I made myself do last year.  I dont regret it but I do hate that I missed out of some parties, activites and such because I wouldnt go due to the diet. Thats not living at all.  I am so close to goal now I’ve got to learn how to handle real life situations and not hide out at home! 

Ok, I think I am just babbling because I am bored.  Maybe we can go out for a ride or something.  Anything to get out of this house!!