skinnychris

And I am loving it!  I just got finished exercising and man am I nasty!  But ya gotta love it, thats how I know I have worked out.  I am really sticking to this, as I was pumping away on my elliptical I kept talking to myself…”come on skinnychris, thats what you want to be called again, right?  You can do this…how bad do you want goal?  Do you want to see it this year or do you want to put it off again?  Come on, come on, COME ON!!!”

And I made it, added two more minutes to my session.  I gotta slowly start building up again since its been a long time since I’ve been on it. Plus I did my 30 minute strengthening exercises.  I wasnt as sore as I thought I would have been but I could feel it in my abs and my glutes.  Two problems areas that need to be sore.  But I still have to wonder how much smaller my boobs are gonna get?  I wasnt this flat before but I guess I am gonna lose them all now.

Eating is still under control, I’m actually starting to enjoy feeling hungry.  Not that I am staying hungry but today around 20 minutes before I was gonna eat lunch my belly starting growling.  I kinda had to chuckle.  Used to be I would eat just because I thought I needed to.  I dont have a set lunch so I can eat whenever but 1:00 would roll around and a timer would go off in my head saying its time to eat, hungry or not.  But now I listen to my body.  And this time it was my belly saying it was hungry, not my head.  I say that is a monster step in the right direction.

Yeah, its has taken me gaining 15 pounds back to finally realize and accept all that I have been taught over the past year in my meetings, in magazines, from successful folks and from here.  But I have learned and the weight loss is proving its fact. 

So I am ready for Thursday, actually a little giddy over the whole thing.  I cannot wait to finally walk into that meeting, see a weight loss and know that *I* did it.  Me, myself and I!!

Dont forget The Biggest Loser tonight!!  They are bringing back booted off folks and we are gonna see what they look like after being home for awhile.

I want to says thanks and hugs to the ladies that commented on my blog yesterday.  You made me feel alot better and I was able to pull myself together and make the most of the rest of the day.  I am feeling alot better today, I guess my emotions just got the best of me.  I think it has alot to do with my grandmother.  At first she was a wreck and since I am the closest one to her (besides my real dad and he is well…dont get me started on that) I had to keep on my game face and be strong for her.  But she has really bounced back and now that she has her new pooch she is doing alot better than any of us imagined.  So maybe now that I know she is gonna be able to do this on her own, I am finally allowing myself my time to grieve.  Its the only thing I can come up with.  So I am dealing with it, I did glance at a picture of him today and had to put it away.  Its just still too sharp right now.

But on a lighter note, I am totally rocking this lifestyle change.  I am completely in the zone.  No crazy hunger pains, no cravings…nothing.  Just a strong desire to sweat!  I came in today and did my strength training on my stay-ball.  Last week I only did it Wednesday because I was so sore afterwards I could barely squat to pee!  So maybe today wont set me back again.  I did 25 minutes on the bike last night and decided I better stop because it was going on 8:30 and I cant exercise late and then go to bed.  I am too wired to sleep.  But tonight after supper I will either go for a walk or get on my elliptical.  Probably the machine because the weather is sorta iffy out there right now.  Looking like storms again (not severe though thank goodness!) so I dont want to get caught in a downpour.  Its gonna be like that here again all week so exercise inside it will be!

I’m in a really good place right now and I sure hope I stay like this.  I can see the light at the end of the weight loss tunnel.  And when I get there I know its not over, its actually only the beginning.  Getting it off was hard but keeping it off will be harder.  But I can do it, I will never be fat again.  Mark my words!

So thats it buddies!  Hope everyone is having a good Monday and having success with their lifestyle changes too!

You can go ahead and stop right here if you like.  I’m not in a bad mood or depressed but I’ve had a sad afternoon following a sad weekend.  There has been death all around me this weekend and it just seemed to all come to a head this afternoon after a brief visit with my grandmother.

First, my step father’s niece passed away.  I didnt know her well but it upset me to see him upset.  Then my grandmothers neighbor passed.  I did know him but it had been years since I had seen him.  My family sort of had a love/hate relationship with him but still, they were neighbors.  The same night my best friend’s uncle died.  She is in Alaska and cant get home and my heart breaks for her and her family.  Then one of my childhood friends passed away, only 40 years old with 5 children.  I havent seen her in 20+ years but being so young it touched me.  Also on Friday night at 9:30 we got a phone call that my mom’s first cousin/very close friend died after a long battle with Parkinson’s.  I had to call and tell my mom because the cousin who called me didnt have my mom’s number.

5 people that I know, that I one time talked to, hugged, played with, cried with and loved are no longer walking this earth.  No longer able to laugh, hug or play.  I know its the cycle of life and that no one lives forever but so much death, so close together.  I told Tom today as we went to my grandmothers that I needed to go by the funeral home and sign the guest book.  But then I realized I had 5 to sign. 

We went to my grandmothers so that Tom could weed eat and visit for a bit.  My grandmother had just gotten in from church so I told her not to cook as we couldnt stay long so she pulled out leftovers and cold cuts.  We ate a bite and I got up to wash the dishes while she and Tom visited.  And I swear I could hear my grandfather talking to me.  He would always great me with his loud, southern “Hey Bab-beeeee” and I heard it like he was standing next to me.  No I dont believe in ghosts and I dont think he was there, just for some reason today…for the first time since he passed it really affected me being in the house.  I didnt let on anything was wrong but my heart was completely breaking in two.  As we sat at the dining room table I was over looking the field, the one he used to farm in.  Tom was eating purple hull peas and the smell made me think back of the summers he planted peas and of us all out there pulling them.  It was overwhelming.

Why now, almost 4 months after he left us is all of this now hitting me?  We left and I cried all the way home.  Not just a cry but a heart breaking sob.  Tom couldnt do anything but just sit there and let me.  And even now as I try to blog it all out I am crying.  He was 95 and lived a good long life but I only knew him for 38 of those and it just wasnt enough I guess. 

Like the song says, ”you cant tell me it all ends in a slow ride in a hearse”.   How can someone just leave like that and only become a memory?  And when does that memory start to fade?  When will I lose hearing him hollar hey baby to me?  Its been 21 years since my other grandfather passed away and I was trying to hear his voice today and couldnt.  Will I lose Popie’s too?

I am trying to pull myself together before Tom gets back home.  I dont want him to see me so upset again.  I just dont get it, its like he just passed away all over again. 

Let me go start supper…think about something else…

I am worn out.  Mentally and physically.  I finally got my work issues finished.  All caught up, everything back in the system and ready to start off fresh Monday.  But it took all night and today since 4 am. 

I never really did get to rest after being sick, got thrown right into the issues at work so I am feeling it today.  I have been dragging.  So tonight I dont plan on doing anything.  Supper in a little bit and then resting.  I know after a good nights rest I will be back at 100% tomorrow.

Or I say I plan on resting.  We are expecting more severe stuff tonight.  In fact its suppose to be the worst night of it (we’ve had storms every night this week).  So there is a chance after dark we could head to my folks in case we need to get in the hidey hole.  Ugh, have I mentioned I hate storms?

Diet is still going strong, funny when you make up your mind to do something…really do something 100% and not cheat its quite easy to do.  Normally Thursdays are my cheat day but I just didnt want to last night.  I did use some of my 35 extra points but only 9 of them.  So I still have 26 to play around with this week but I bet I dont use them.  I just dont want to eat badly.  I am too thrilled to see the numbers going south again.  Plus I just feel too good.  Once I am rested and have my energy back I will be working out like a fool.  I have the mental want-to today but the body is laughing at it and saying ‘I dont think so!’.  I will do some crunches before bedtime, body willing or not! LOL!!

So thats about it, I’m gonna go check out our weather and see how long we have before the storms hit.  And get this….after it all blows thru our high tomorrow is only 48!  How messed up is that?!

We finally got our system back up at 1 today.  Thats the only good news I can report about it.  Because at 9:30 this morning I found out that we lost not only Tuesday’s but Monday’s business too.  NOT a good thing at all because Monday’s normally have enough business for an entire week alone.  So I have been at it straight since 1 and just got finished with Monday’s.  Yes, one down but it means I have 4 more days of files and work to complete by tomorrow night at 9.  Needless to say I am just a little stressed.

So I am about to take a hot bath, finish this cold beer I am drinking (yes, I am having a night cap!) and crawl into my bed.  I have been up and at it since 4:30 this morning so I think they have gotten 8 hours worth of pay out of me (sucks being on salary).  But I am back at it again in the morning around 4 so that maybe I can get it all done.  Already have the coffee pot ready and a fresh can of coffee sitting next to it.  Its a good thing I quit smoking years ago or it would probably be a two pack kinda day.

Before I go I do want to let ya know I lost 3 pounds this week!!  I knew I had lost when I checked the scales at home this morning but I guess I let go of more of the bloat fluids once I got up and really got to moving around.  So except for the work thing I am a very happy girl tonight!  In fact, my ticker is now accurate again! 

Ok, I am off here.  I couldnt stand to look at this computer…or any other computer for a minute longer.   And if you see my butt come draggin thru, would you tell her I’ve gone on to bed and to catch up with me later?  Thanks!

…whiney ass person coming on here pretending to be me?  :-}

After I logged off I went to the bedroom to put on some comfy clothes and then thought to myself NO!  Do not do that!  Do not put on your pity panties, put on your big girl panties and get out there.  You are over being sick, maybe a little yucky…yes.  But I gotta build my strength back up and it needs to start NOW!!

I am no longer that person who wrote that first blog.  Yes, I get down, I get sick and I get stressed out.  And yes I need to vent and let it out.  But I cannot let a bad week or even a bad day get me down.  I am SkinnyChris for goodness sake, not whineyChris!!!

So I grabbed my exercise ball and did my 25 minute strength routine with it.  Then I went out for a brisk 20 minute walk.  No, I didnt over do it but I do feel better.  More mental that physical and thats what I needed.  My brain took a beating with that fever and all over sickness.  But I need to rebound more for my soul than for my body.  Yes, I am bloated and feel like a cow. But I am sure that will go away as I heal and get over t.o.m.  And if not, then I will see the doc. But I am sure I was being, well whiney.  I just had a physical and I know I am fine.

So ignore that crazy poser who came on here and was sitting on their pot.  She wont overpower me and needs to be gone forever! 

(Oh, but the work part…yeah, even this Chris is gonna whine about that!  Still no news from the office so its looking to be a long night!)

I am not usually one to wish time away but I wish this week would end already! First I had to spend the first 3 days of it sick.  I am feeling better today but my belly still isnt right.  No more runs to the potty but its still groaning and grinding in there and I got sick after I ate lunch.  Keep it down but I wondered for awhile.

Then last night when the storms rolled thru it knocked out power at the office.  I have a file I have to run every Tuesday night so as I am cooking supper I hear the tone on my laptop signaling that I have been booted off the network at work.  I was able to get back on but I could tell that we had lost power.  And I couldnt get my file started again.  Long story short, our main software system took a big punch and was knocked out.  Here it is almost 24 hours later and we are still offline.  In my job I have daily deadlines that must be met. Well, no software, no deadlines met.  I have been up since 2 this morning trying to get things going to no luck.  Drove into work only to sit there and finally left at 2.  Our entire IT department is hard at work but each attempt to get us up and going again fails.  As it stands right now we should be back online tonight.  *fingers crossed*

Which means I will have to be up and on the computer by 2 in the morning to get that file from last night running again.  I am gonna have everything from today to do plus tomorrows stuff.  And there is a possibility that we lost everything from yesterday so I will have to complete that again.  This is not good.  I have thousands of electronic data lines that have to be moved and imported and sent off, deadlines missed to catch up on, processes that are gonna be 24 to possibily 48 hours behind schedule. Not gonna be a good day tomorrow.  Another night with no sleep.  Oh well, I havent slept this week anyway so whats one more night?

And to put the cherry on this sundae I started again today.  Full fledge this time.  So welcome bloat and overall feeling of yucky-ness.  Adding to my already yucky-ness.  I am so not looking forward to weigh in tomorrow.  And I swear my belly is bigger now than ever.  Which kinda scares me, its not the period bloat I speak up…this is my upper belly.  Can it be possible that I have lost that much tone that fast?  I’m just kinda freaked that this whole fever/illness business is more than what it seems.  I need to get to the doc but I cant find the time.  But right now I will wait until my special time (not!) passes and if I still feel this large and bloated I will go and see what can be found. 

Other than that I have been debating going for a walk.  Its so nice out and its the only day we are gonna see the sun until Sunday but I am still worried about overdoing it.  So what I will probably do is go climb up in the recliner for a nap so that I can try to catch some sleep before the system gets back up.  If it gets back up early enough I may just stay up and pull an all nighter instead of sleeping from 10-2.  

But I wonder if all this yucky feeling and bloat has to do with my body just being exhausted from all all went thru earlier…and now this work mess.  I know, I need to quit pushing it but I cannot stand being down.  Sitting bores me and boredom makes me raid the fridge.

Sigh, can I just please be ok again?  Like maybe RIGHT FRIGGIN NOW!??

Man, I am sick of being sick.  No more fever, it went up and down just slightly yesterday afternoon but not enough to get worried about.  But I am still having belly issues.  And I mean bad belly issues today.  Enough to keep me at home and a few steps away from the bathroom.  For the past few days I have felt like I couldnt go, if you know what I mean.  A bloated, fullness feeling that I couldnt shake.  Well, thats all over with today!  I wish it would slow down but considering I dont know what was wrong in the first place I am letting nature run its course and not taking anything to stop it.  I need to flush out whatever it was. 

And of course today after lunch I got sick to my stomach.  Not enough to yak but enough to bother me.  Hopefully this is the end of it all. 

But thru all of this I have managed to stay on track.  No overeating, not like I really wanted to but when I did eat I stuck to my healthy food choices and in my allotted points.  Who knows after being sick for so long what the scales will show Thursday.  I cant imagine anything sticking to me after all this but alot of the time I will gain after being sick, its like my body will hang on to everything to compensate for the sudden loss of fluids.  And I can accept that but man, I really really wanted to see a loss this week!  Just to see a visual reward of my hard work.  But what can I do?  I didnt ask to get sick.

Bad weather is moving in here in just a few hours.  Not good as I am terrified and normally when I get scared my belly gets upset.  I dont need anymore belly upset!  Tom will atleast be home before it hits and if it gets too bad we can always go to my parents storm shelter.  They are saying we shouldnt see tornadoes but that is normally when we do see them.  We are only gonna have one day of good weather this week, tomorrow and I doubt I feel like walking.  In fact I wont be, I’m not sure when I will start back.  I gotta be feeling tip top before I am gonna sweat.  I dont want a set back.

I am so bored and stir crazy I have been watching Christmas episodes of all my favorite sitcoms.  I taped them over the holidays last Christmas but never did watch them.  Home Improvement, Frasier, The Fresh Prince, Just Shoot Me, Yes Dear…all the goodies.  I even watched the lighting of the Rockefeller Christmas tree!!  I know, I need to get back to work soon!  I will be wanting to put up a tree and break out my ugly Christmas sweaters.  And eggnog…YUMMY!!

I think the high fever fried my brain!  LOL!!  Have a great day buddies!!

Well, I do think I can safely say its not the flu.  But I dont know what it is/was.  My fever got up to 102.7 and I started getting very dizzy and feeling like I could black out.  I said enough!  My sister is nurse and I called her to ask about a cool bath.  She said I really shouldnt do it, alot of times it can be counterproductive and cause the chills to come back worse.  But I no longer had the chills, I felt like I was on fire on the inside.  I know I had higher fevers as a child but I dont recall that burning heat.  So I went against her advice and poured me a tepid bath.  Almost instantly I started feeling better.  I was really careful when I got out with drying off so I wouldnt catch a chill.  But to be honest I was still so hot I only put on a tee shirt for a little bit.  I took my temp again and it had backed down 1 degree.  I poured my first Diet 7-Up and munched on some crackers so that I could take more ibu’s (it took 7 total to break it).  The temp kept coming down and I started to feel hungry!  I did go to sleep close to midnight and at 3 the fever broke and I totally soaked my clothing.  Thank you God!

I just got up about an hour ago and still no spike in the fever.  I am feeling very beat up, my rib cage feels squeezed and my legs feel like I did about 2000 squats yesterday but its only soreness, not aches.  I am sure its from the trembling and cramping I suffered with the high fever. 

But as long as I stay this well I am gonna skip the doc.  I feel fine so what would I tell him?  Just gotta keep a close eye on my temp and if I see it rising any at all I will be going.  We have a county clinic here in town and I can walk in anytime I need to see a doc.  That will save me having to drive 30 minutes to see my own doc or to hit one of those walk in clinics. 

Thank you all for the well wishes, I have to say they worked.  And whatever it was I hope none of you guys get it!  Man, I HATE being sick so I was not looking forward to the flu again (got it really bad in ‘02).  Next year I will make a point, regardless of what is going on to get that damn shot!

On the diet side I am doing ok.  I am sure that sweat I suffered last night drained every fat cell I ate yesterday!  What a way to lose weight?!  LOL!  Maybe Thursday wont be so bad afterall.  I am gonna take it super easy today, food wise.  This whole thing started with my belly acting up so I’m not gonna upset it.  Plus I wont be exercising at all, not even gonna think about it.  No raising the body temp for a few days.  If you need me I will be busy holding down Tom’s recliner.  Just think of this as my spring break!

Buddies, is not the hormones. I am sick.  Bad sick.  All night long my fever has gone up a little at a time to a high now of 101.7.  The aches have subsided but I have a bad headache and am very hot and a little dizzy.  Can we say hello flu?

I’m not staying on here, but we just got new insurance at work and I had to come see what a trip to the ER would cost me.  How about this, 1 grand?  I cannot believe they have screwed us like this!  So I must sit here and suffer and pray like hell I can get into the doc first thing in the am for Tamiflu.  And some for Tom too because he is gonna get it.  I hope like hell my grandmother had her flu shot.  She was due to get it the week my grandfather died and I know she has been to the doc since then, surely they gave it to her.  I was getting mine then that week too and then never thought about it again.  Even at my physical my doc didnt bring it up.

Ok, I am off until God only know when.  Take care.