skinnychris

Hi my buddies!  I hope everyone had a happy and safe holiday!  We have and let me tell ya, I am worn out and I am SICK of food.  My poor belly woke me up shortly after midnight this morning and has given me no relief since.  I think its letting me know exactly what is thinks about this weekend so its giving me a reminder to not do it again.

I didnt eat my side of beef *hehehehe* but I think I have eaten everything else.  I am so sick of eating I have wondered how I used to eat like this on a weekend basis.  And I did like it?  How? Blah, I feel like a bloated, over eaten fat ass right now.

I’m not even gonna talk about gaining because I know I have.  So instead I’m gonna talk about my mind games and how I want perfection.  This started today with me cleaning house. I have admitted I am OCD in alot of way, especially when I clean.   But since I was pressed for time today I needed to just clean, thats it.  Not any deep scrubbing or closet cleaning…just clean.  But I cant!  I start in on one thing and then end up some where else, totally off track.  And I realize its a vicious cycle throughout my life.  Even with my diet.  I strive for perfection.  That is why I was so tore up over this weekend for a week before it!!  In fact at one time today while cleaning the bathroom (and seeing myself in mirrors that cover 3/4 of the walls in there) that my goal of 169 wasnt enough.  I decided I need to lose more!  I was thinking maybe another 30 pounds!!  Where in the hell did that come from?

I have a closet full of clothes (actually now 2.5 closets full) that I love!  Most I have not even worn yet!  And most are size 10 or 12’s.  I have not been a 10 or 12 for years!  So why do I think I need to be even smaller? 

Ugh, here I go again.  And why, really?  Did one weekend put that much doubt in my mind?  And if it did then why would I ever want to splurge again?  I dont feel defeated by these thought but I do wonder why they creep in.  But enough.  I just needed to get this out here.  I had a fun filled weekend with too much food and too much booze.  One weekend will not cause me to gain it all back.  One weekend will not change my mind.  One weekend will not destroy me.   So I’m not perfect.  Big whooping friggin deal!!

A quick Dozer update becaue I think it cute and I dont have kids to brag on! LOL!  I put his stinky butt in the tub today.  He has decided he wants to be in the house as much as possible or maybe even full time.  So tonight he comes straight in after us working on the pool and jumps in Tom’s recliner.  I bet the look of shock on my face scared him!  I was ok with it but not with his smelly funk so I told him to the bath we go.  And he was ok with it!  It wasnt easy getting him into the garden tub (the shower would have been better, its walk in and we have a hand wand on it but being his first time I was seeing a disaster waiting to happen.)  But anyway, he didnt fight me and I think he enjoyed it!  In fact he wouldnt get out because I think he was really liking the toweling off part!!  Becky, I have no intentions of ever letting him go back, my home is his home now.  Tom and I have been talking tonight and we are trying to think of a way to formally adopt him.  I told Tom we should go over with cash and offer it to him for a bill of sale.  In my state animals are considered property.  But I do plan on talking to my boss (he is my IT director but also an attorney) tomorrow to see if we have any rights because here ‘possession is 9/10’s of the law’ does apply and we have had him now for 2 weeks.  

So I guess that its!  I need to get off here and get my breakfast and lunch ready for tomorrow.  No more cheating, its time to get back on track and undo what I did this weekend.  Plus I am dog ass tired!!  Night guys!